By Rachel Rubenstein, LCSW

Confidence! That feeling of self-assurance, poise, courage, coolheadedness…the appreciation you have of your own abilities and qualities.Often we overestimate others’ confidence and doubt our own. It is human nature. Can I do this? Should I do that? What will they think?

Confidence isn’t a sense of arrogance, that is another topic! Confidence is feeling secure in who you are, comfortable in how you are with yourself and in the world You accept yourself, trust yourself and know that you can do things…or learn how to do the things you aren’t yet able to do. Resourcefulness and the willingness to learn are big factors in being confident.

Here is the good news: Confidence is a skill you can learn. There are skills we all can learn that will strengthen confidence.

Confidence Skill Building Tips

  • Acknowledge what you already are good at doing. You have talent, strengths and skills. See a skill missing? Learn it! Have a skill you are proud of, use it! Get to know who you are. What strengths do you already have? Use them!
  • Create positive goals-go for it, you can do it! Smaller goals that are achievable are a great place to start to create confidence.
  • Be your own cheerleader-boost yourself up with positive self talk…even when you make a mistake. “I got this!”
  • Stop negative thinking! When you come across a thought that doesnt support you, kick it to the curb. Need help with this skill? Find a trusted adult or counselor to assist you.
  • Understand that you are a person with the ability to grow and learn. We grow well into adulthood, now is a good time to start.
  • Find a small habit to change for the better. Get that something done that you haven’t wanted to do. Conquer procrastination- a serious confidence sucker.
  • Non verbal communication skills- Have good posture…stand up straight, make eye contact. It works!
  • Understand your weaknesses and prepare for them. Not always confident when public speaking? Make a plan to be successful next time you have to do it. Prepare yourself!
  • Know that everyone makes mistakes, it’s OK!
  • Look for solutions. Understand your challenges and then focus on the solutions.
  • Take care of your appearance. Whatever your style, keep it groomed and proud. Take a shower, pick your clothes, feel good!Take care of your appearance. Whatever your style, keep it groomed and proud. Take a shower, pick your clothes, feel good!
  • Take care of your work space (desk) and your living space (bedroom)…mama is right on this one “a clean space is a happy (confident) space.”
  • Be the kind of person you admire: kind, generous, giving, forgiving, etc.
  • Breathe. Speak slowly and with thought.
  • Exercise your body! Walk, run, skip…anything that gets you moving.

Nobody knows it all! Realizing this and having the ability to accept ourselves, imperfections and all, creates a more positive and confident attitude and outlook. We all can move forward and learn the skill(s) we want to enhance in ourselves. That is confidence. To respect ourselves and the abilities we do have. That is confidence. Those of us that know what we need to learn and figure out how to gain the skill are my personal heroes!

The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence. –Blake Lively

Life happens and challenges arise. Keep moving forward and you will be amazed at just how confident you actually are and can be. Have a question about confidence? Not sure what to do? Find a trusted adult and talk about it. Call or text the TeenCrisisLine 602.248.8336 (TEEN) or seek out the support of a professional mental health provider.

You got this, Girl!


Rachel Rubenstein, LCSW has over 20 years experience working with adolescents, families and couples. She is dedicated to assisting her clients in developing and strengthening interpersonal skills, creating healthier relationships and achieving new and positive goals.