Written by: Rachel Rubenstein, LCSW

Sometimes we need a “reset”…to start again, at home, with friends at school or at work. Looking forward to what needs to be done and who we want to be. Looking at past missteps can be helpful if you learn a lesson or two, but remember, we can’t redo the past. We can influence our future. So, now what?

Author Rick Hanson, PhD, one of my favorite mindfulness teachers, talks about resilience (simply put-bouncing back even stronger from tough times). In his book Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness, he helps us explore how to create resilience by first having the awareness and ability to recognize the need for change, the need to do something different to make things better. 

Take a moment, think about an area in your life that could use more calm, more motivation, more happiness. It’s very normal to want to improve in a few areas in life. By nature, people tend to be wired to want to improve, thrive, be happy, have success and have peace, but we don’t always have those things. So, let’s talk about how to reset so you can move forward and create more happiness and calm in your life. Time to get reflective…

  1. Acknowledge the need for change! When we identify specifically an area, we want to improve we bring a new positive focus to that area. We become solution creators!
  1. Change your behavior. Make different choices, explore new habits and be mindful of the action you take. Action leads to change.
  1. Create small achievable goals that will move you forward. The smaller the goal the better because it’s more likely you’ll succeed. The more times you succeed the more motivated and encouraged you become. Small successes lead to big successes.
  1. Find support. Talk to a trusted friend or adult. Sharing your concerns and exploring ideas to reset and refocus can lighten your stress and result in new positive ideas. Brainstorming on solutions with others is a great way to find new ideas to the most common of problems.
  1. Make healthy (or healthier) choices. Yes, “your body is your temple!” It’s true, the better self-care you have the better mindset you are likely to experience. Good food, exercise and sleep are a great place to start.
  1. Reflect! Think about how you got to where you are. Reflect on your choices in friendships and how you spend your time. If they are positive, excellent! If you find you feel unsupported, it’s time to take a look at how you are spending your time. Look around you, do you like what you see?
  1. Learn something! New information helps us to move forward. Is your problem area procrastination? Read a book or do some research on what procrastination is and how to move past it. Learning is one of the key steps to building resilience.
  1. Stay present! Look at what is happening now, how to make things as positive as you can and focus on resetting not regretting. We learn from our past. If we dwell in the past, we give energy and focus to areas we can’t change. Now is where life is happening.

Let’s get real- life can be challenging and difficulties tend to be part of our everyday life. I call it “Life-itis.” We can be disappointed with lower-than-expected test scores, a bad haircut or a miscommunication with a friend. Struggles are normal parts of life. Resetting can be a learning opportunity and a great way to move forward when times are difficult. The more experience you have in life, positive and negative, the more you can make informed decisions on what works, what doesn’t work, and how to promote your wellbeing.

Want to learn more about how to reset, growth mindset or how to create healthy goals? Seek out the support of a professional mental health provider, talk to a friend, your family or trusted adult. You got this, Girl!


Rachel Rubenstein, LCSW is an Arizona based Mental Health provider and owner of The Counseling Consultants, PLLC, a group of licensed Mental Health professionals serving kids and adults with a variety of Mental Health Wellness needs.