By Caitlin Alfonso, LMSW

You sent that last text hours ago, and no response. Your calls go straight to voicemail. Hours turn into days, and before you know it you have not heard from them in weeks. You know they are physically okay—after all, you can thank social media updates for that confirmation. However, it is clear they no longer have any intention of talking to you and have basically vanished into thin air from your life.

You have been ghosted. Now what?

The first and most important thing to remember after any ghosting experience is that it has absolutely nothing to do with you. The reality is that ghosting has everything to do with the other person’s own insecurities, and (let me repeat) nothing to do with you. 

Nonetheless, it is easier said than believed. As such, it can be easy to fall into the negative self-talk cycle after a ghosting experience. It is an experience that shakes up your reality and leaves you with unanswered questions and self-doubt. You might question what you did wrong. Did you say something or do something to upset them? You might start to pinpoint things that you think are “not good enough” about yourself. If only I dressed another way/liked different music/played a different sport/was “prettier” then maybe they would still be around…. If you find yourself going down this rabbit hole of negative thoughts and overthinking, pause and take a deep breath.

Know you are not alone. Unfortunately, there are numerous studies out there indicating that ghosting is a common phenomenon in both dating relationships and friendships. Here are a couple things to try after getting ghosted:

  1. Create a positive mantra or affirmation.

Some examples include:

  • I am strong.
  • I am enough, as I am.
  • I am worthy of a respectful relationship.
  • I deserve open communication.

Once you have decided on one, write it down and stick it somewhere you can see iteveryday (i.e. mirror where you brush your teeth, cell phone case, etc.). It might sound silly, but our brain believes what we tell it. If we are stuck in that negative self-thought cycle, we believe destructive and damaging things about our self. However, when we feed our mind with positivity, then we start to believe upbeat thoughts that ultimately shift our energy to feel more confident and empowered.

  1. Embrace self-care.

Self-care is making a commitment to put yourself first and address your needs. Finding practices that make you feel good is important in the aftershock of being ghosted. Below is a list of possible self-care strategies to try:

  • Breathing
    • Practice mindful minutes throughout your day of deep breathing
    • Commit to 10 minutes of mindfulness practice a day
    • Morning or evening stretching and/or yoga flows
  • Movement Based
    • Start each morning with a walk outside
    • Go for a hike
    • Turn on your favorite song and dance
    • Exercise
  • Art and Music
    • Play your instrument
    • Create a playlist
    • Color/doodle
  • Other
    • Bake
    • Spend time with your pets
    • Journal
    • Paint your nails

Recovering from being ghosted takes time and it is okay to acknowledge that it is a hurtful experience. Nonetheless, it is equally important to remind yourself that being ghosted is not in your ability to control. You can only control your response. So instead focus your energy on healing yourself by taking care of yourself in healthy ways, such as creating positive mantras and turning towards self-care strategies.


Caitlin Alfonso is a lover of coffee, reading, traveling and her dog, Remy. She is a Licensed Master Social Worker and owner of Acornic Consulting, LLC.